California Department of Motor Vehicles
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008(rant was first published May 20, 2003)
I opened the snail mail tonight, and found that my vehicle registration is due.
Here is a breakdown of the bill:
Registration Fee: $30
Vehicle Registration Fee: $504
County/District Fees: $8
SMOG Abatement Fee: $6
Ok, so I’m not even going to think about how the SMOG abatement fee somehow makes the air cleaner for me, but whatever – its only $6.
What I’m really annoyed about are two things.
First, at the bottom of the Fees section, there is an item called “VLF Offset: $-340.00”
So, why do they do that? Maybe I’m supposed to feel better about the bill? “Whew! I dodged a bullet there! The government just gave me $340.00!”. Why don’t they just change the VLF fee at the top from $504 to $164????
The second item – and its way more annoying – as a matter of fact, it really pisses me off – is the nice box on the left that says:
————
RENEW VIA THE INTERNET
Your Renewal Identification
Number is 999999 (see attached insert)
Our Web address is
WWW.DMV.CA.GOV
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So I look at the attached insert and it reads like some guy announcing the prizes on a game show:
—-
Congratulations! You’ve won an all expenses-paid trip to Hawaii, with three wonderful nights and 4 days in beautiful Maui!!!!!!
—-
Except its like this:
——
You are eligible to rewnew your registration on the Internet!
——
“Oh Martha, get yer coat! We get to renew via the Internet!” Then it continues….
——
DMV has added online registration renewal via the Internet as an alternative method of doing business. Be among the first to take advantage of DMV’s new online service and renew your registration within minutes.
——
I’m going to add that to my resume:
… as well as being the 404th guy that watched the Mars probe landing over the Internet, I was also *one of the first* to use DMV’s online registration service!”
But wait! There’s more!
——
Online Renewal is:
Convenient: Your registration is renewed within minutes…
Simple: Your billing notice contains a RIN that is your access number
Easy: Using your RIN and a credit card, you may complete your renewal in a few easy steps!
There is a $4 convenience fee to renew your registration online
——–
Explain to me how “Simple” is different from “Easy”. Maybe I’m so “simple”, that I need to be told twice?
Hold the phone! What the heck is that last bit there? Let me read it again….. “There is a $4 convenience fee….”
Oh you see. Now I’m really pissed. I really, really hate it when places charge me a convenience fee. I don’t mind a “bend-me-over” fee, but don’t call it a convenience fee. What they are saying when they do that is, “well, we simply found an easy way to charge you some more money!” There. That was simple and easy!
See my BART rant about convenience fees – oh and look for a new rant about ticketmaster – coming soon.
I’m serious here. We need some truth in advertising. I think something like, “In order to cover the cost of additional infrastructure to handle these new Internet transactions, there is a $4 fee associated with
the online renewal. Once the infrastructure is paid for, this fee will no longer be charged.”
I would gladly pay the $4 in that case, but don’t call it a fucking convenience fee!
But really folks, Why should it cost me a “convenience fee” when its going to save them money? They don’t have to pay someone to open the envelope and enter the payment into the computer, then take the check to the bank and deposit it and wait for it to clear, etc. etc. They don’t have to pay for this person to attend extensive sensitivity training so they know how to be sensitive while ignoring me while I’m standing in the fucking line waiting for those incompetent bastards to provide me with “outstanding service”.
Next time you are in the DMV, have a look around at the signs on the walls. Have you ever noticed that there are a multitude of signs that remind you that it is a federal offence to threaten or annoy the DMV workers, punishable by several years in ram-me-in-the-butt federal prison? Why do they find it necessary to remind us of that? Does the seven-eleven have similar signs? No. They remind us of that because it happens all the time. Because they don’t know how to run a fricking business. But you know – thats another story.
Hmmm, lets see… Do I renew over the Internet or via snail mail? Its a tough choice… I’d better think about this for a while…. I know! I’ll think about it while I’m looking for my check-book and stamps.