California DMV

Tue May 20 21:11:04 PDT 2003
I openned the snail mail tonight, and found that my vehicle registration
is due.

Here is a breakdown of the bill:
Registration Fee:	$30
Vehicle Registration Fee: $504
County/District Fees: $8
SMOG Abatement Fee: $6

Ok, so I'm not even going to think about how the SMOG abatement fee
somehow makes the air cleaner for me, but whatever - its only $6.

What I'm really annoyed about are two things.

First, at the bottom of the Fees section, there is an item called:
VLF Offset: $-340.00

So, why do they do that? Maybe I'm supposed to feel better about the bill?

"Whew! I dodged a bullet there! The government just gave me $340.00!"

Why don't they just change the VLF fee at the top from $504 to $164????

The second item - and its way more annoying - as a matter of fact, it
really pisses me off - is the nice box on the left that says:

------------
RENEW VIA THE INTERNET
Your Renewal Identification
Number is 999999                           (see attached insert)
Our Web address is
WWW.DMV.CA.GOV
-----------

So I look at the attached insert and it reads like some guy announcing
the prizes on a game show:

----
Congratulations! You've won an all expenses-paid trip to Hawaii, with
three wonderful nights and 4 days in beautiful Maui!!!!!!
----

Except its like this:
------
You are eligible to rewnew your registration on the Internet!
------

"Oh Martha, get yer coat! We get to renew via the Internet!"

Then it continues....
------
DMV has added online registration renewal via the Internet as
an alternative method of doing business. Be among the first to
take advantage of DMV's new online service and renew your registration
within minutes.
------

I'm going to add that to my resume:
... as well as being the 404th guy that watched the Mars probe landing
over the Internet, I was also *one of the first* to use DMV's online
registration service!"

But wait! There's more!

------
Online Renewal is:
Convenient: Your registration is renewed within minutes...
Simple: Your billing notice contains a RIN that is your access number
Easy: Using your RIN and a credit card, you may complete your renewal
in a few easy steps! 

There is a $4 convenience fee to renew your registration online
--------

Explain to me how "Simple" is different from "Easy". Maybe I'm so
"simple", that I need to be told twice?

Hold the phone! What the heck is that last bit there? 
Let me read it again..... "There is a $4 convenience fee...."

Oh you see. Now I'm really pissed. I really, really hate it when
places charge me a convenience fee. I don't mind a "bend-me-over" fee,
but don't call it a convenience fee. What they are saying when they
do that is, "well, we simply found an easy way to charge you some more
money!" There. That was simple and easy! 

See my BART rant about convenience fees - oh and look for a new rant
about ticketmaster - coming soon.

I'm serious here. We need some truth in advertising. I think something
like: 
"In order to cover the cost of additional infrastructure to handle
these new Internet transactions, there is a $4 fee associated with
the online renewal. Once the infrastructure is paid for, this fee will
no longer be charged."

I would gladly pay the $4 in that case, but don't call it a fucking
convenience fee!

But really folks, Why should it cost me a "convenience fee" when its
going to save them money? They don't have to pay someone to open the
envelope and enter the payment into the computer, then take the
check to the bank and deposit it and wait for it to clear, etc. etc.
They don't have to pay for this person to attend extensive sensitivity
training so they know how to be sensitive while ignoring me while
I'm standing in the fucking line waiting for those incompetent
bastards to provide me with "outstanding service".

Next time you are in the DMV, have a look around at the signs on the
walls. Have you ever noticed that there are a multitude of signs
that remind you that it is a federal offence to threaten or annoy
the DMV workers, punishable by several years in ram-me-in-the-butt
federal prison? Why do they find it necessary to remind us of that?
Does the seven-eleven have similar signs? No. They remind us of that
because it happens all the time. Because they don't know how
to run a fricking business. But you know - thats another story.

Hmmm, lets see... Do I renew over the Internet or via snail mail?
Its a tough choice... I'd better think about this for a while....
I know! I'll think about it while I'm looking for my check-book and
stamps.