Bank of America

So, my bank....
I wanted to cancel my savings account because, well, because savings
accounts are stupid
I only opened it because one time about 2 years ago I walked into a branch
to deposit some foreign currency or something and the lady asked me if
I wanted to open a savings account. I said "no", and she said, "um, look,
if you open an account, I get $5, so that would be really cool." I figured
that was worth it - sticking it to the man, so to speak.

No good deed goes unpunsihed

Anyway, I logged into the bofa web based interface and there is no way to
cancel the account, so I had to email them.
So, I said, "transfer all the money from my savings to my checking and then
close the account AND cancel the montly transfer"

I get a canned response that start with "We can help you with your request."
Then they proceed to tell me that because there is money in the savings
account, they can't cancel it.
So, I transfer the money out and respond to the email saying, "ok, I
transfered the money to my checking. Now, please cancel my savings account"

I get a response that starts with, "We can help you." then they say, there are still pending transactions on that account so we can't cancel the account. 

So, I wait a day and send them this. "Look, I don't know if there are pending transactions, or an ice storm in Nebraska, but my balance says 0, so can you please cancel my savings account".

"We can help you with your request". We've cancelled your monthly auto-transfer from checking to savings.

But my account is still open....

I just know that if I push this, they will cancel my checking account.