Bank of America

I decided to open an account for my son, Alex. I wanted an account
that I could deposit a few bucks in, and eventually, he would have
enough money to pay for college (or more likely, buy a stereo).

Anyway, so I went into the branch, and took a bunch of coin that I
had in with me. There I talked with this lady who told me that
I couldn't open an account in Alex's name, but that I could open an
account in my name in trust for Alex - a trustee account. Ok, so I
openned the account and deposited $83.00.

During the opening the account thing, the system kept prompting the
lady to "issue a new card?". Finally, she just said yes to the prompt.
This seems insignificant, but it becomes important later.

A week later, I recieved my statement in the mail and there was
a $18.00 fee against my Prima chequing account because my minimum balance
was below some threshold. I called and asked them to convert my prima
account to some other account that doesn't have the fee - they told me they
would convert it to a "my access" account. While I was talking to them, I
closed a savings account that I had, and asked them to transfer the money
into my chequing account.

About 3 weeks later, I looked on-line and found that another $18.00 fee
had been charged to my chequing account. Since I was still in Canada,
I sent an e-mail to the bank people asking them why I was charged this
fee, and telling them that I had converted my account to a my access
account. I received a polite reply saying that the account was still a
prima account, and that the "my access" accounts had been discontinued - 
oh, and thanks for being a valued customer.....

Well, obviously I'm not going to be able to handle this online,
so I waited until I returned home before calling on the phone. Of course,
when I returned home, A statement from bank of america for the
new savings account had arrived, and lo-and-behold, there was a $3.00
fee on the account. I was seriously pissed about this. The lady allowed
me to open the account with $83.00 in it, and now there is a $3.00 fee?

I called BOFA and spoke to some guy who said he would take care of the
issues with the $18.00 and the account still being listed as prima.
He looked at the log and found that the previous individual had converted
my savings account to a "my access" account, then transferred all the money
out of it, then promptly closed it. When I asked him about the savings
account $3.00 fee he told me that there is a fee if the balance is less
than $300.00.

I told him that the lady in the branch allowed me to open the account
with $83.00 in it, and that it didn't seem right. He said there was
nothing he could do about it, but that if I went into the branch, the
lady might be able to reverse the fee. Well, to be perfectly honest, my
time is worth more than the $3.00 - I very seldom go into the branch, so
I was ready to just blow off the $3.00. I did ask him to close Alex's
savings account however, and transfer the money into my chequing account.

Ok, a few days later a new ATM card arrived in the mail. (Remember the
"issue new ATM card?" question above - I told you that issue would
come back). I destroyed my old card, signed the new one, and put it in my
wallet (I can't remember if I had to call in to activate it - maybe).

So, this week I sold my truck and went to deposit the cheque. I went to
the bank machine, put in my card, and it told me the card was invalid.
All I can think of is that I am lucky this whole thing happenned during
business hours. So, I went into the branch, and actually noticed that
the lady who helped me to open Alex's account was there. I figured I 
should tell her that I was pissed off about the $3.00 fee, so I started by
talking to her about that. She said that there should
not be a fee on a trustee account, but after researching it, she found
that BOFA added the fee about 18 months ago. At least she refunded
my $3.00.

Now to the issue of the new card. We went over to this ECC machine which
will associate a pin with a new card - I couldn't understand why we needed
to do this - it was a replacement card, right? So we sat and tried and
tried. First the machine couldn't dial-in correctly. Second, it kept
saying, "invalid card". So she got on the phone and called the people
who supposedly know about this stuff. They told her that the old card
was still valid, so she had to "block" the old card. She did block the
old card, and that somehow wrecked the new card too...... Ok, so now I'm
pretty annoyed. She said she could issue a new "quick card" - one that
just has hand written numbers on it. We went ahead and did this. 

An hour later, and all is well, right? Not quite yet .......

I immediately tried to use the card at the bank machine, and it worked!
Ain't technology grand.

So, here it is. Two days later, and its time to pay the visa bill. I 
do the same routine. Remotely login to a system that has some ancient
version of the browser on it, (because bofa's web-site doesn't support
Netscape version 6.x), and connect to the site.

Ok, enter the last 9 digits of the versatel card - ok, password, ok.

"Sorry, there are no accounts associated with that number"....

Hmmmm, ok, lets try the last 9 digits from the new, hand written card
along with my old password.

"Invalid card - please call 1 800 xxx xxxx"

Ok, call the number. "We are currently experiencing a high call volume. As
such your wait may be longer than normal".... hmmmm, it seems to me that
I ALWAYS get this message.

Finally talk to "John" from the Internet Banking group, and explain the
whole thing - he says that the account is still showing up as blocked.
I tell him that I hope all my payees and stuff will be preserved when
this whole mess is worked out. 
He says that they will be preserved, but he says he can't help me to
unblock it, so he transfers me to some other group....
"We are currently experiencing a high call volume. As such your wait may
be longer than normal"....

Ok, so I finally talk to some lady, and re-itterate my whole story again.
She says that its an easy fix - I just have to talk to "Internet Banking"...
(See paragraph above). So this time I told her to find me a human
and explain the issue to them so I don't have to do it, cause I'm getting
annoyed.

Believe it or not, she did transfer me to a human, and the human told
me that the bank had issued me another card yesterday, and that the
Internet banking information was still being transferred (how long does
this take). The result, she said, was that I would have to wait until
tomorrow - Saturday - then try Internet banking again using my OLD
account name and password....

All I can think to say at this point is, "I've got to see it to believe it".

Stay tuned ......

January 19, 2002 - the saga continues....
On the way to the hockey game, I made the mistake of opening my mail.
The Bank of America statement was there. I held my breath and opened the
envelope.
Surprise! An $18.00 fee on my "prima" account. Take a few deep breaths
and dial good ol' bank of america...

"We are currently experiencing a high call volume. As such your wait may
be longer than normal"....

hmmm, thats new.....

Well, I finally get to speak with Marie. I explain the whole situation, and
she puts me on hold while she goes off to investigate. She comes back and
says that there is an $18.00 fee because my account was a prima account,
but luckily my account is now a "my access" account. "Right", I said, but
I converted the thing, initially, over a month ago. Why is there a fee?
She doesn't know, but she does reverse the fee. Thanks Marie....

January 20, 2002 - what can possibly happen next..
Well, I logged in to try to pay some bills on the bank of america web site -
Its supposed to work, right? -  Remember the nice lady who transferred me to
a real human a couple days ago?. 

It doesn't work - how could I have guessed...

Called bank of america again. Explained the problem to Bob. Bob takes my
information. Finds my status is "other". He doesn't know what this means
but he is going to try to find out.
He explains that my new pin was issued on the 16th. Sent on the 17th...
hmmm, he says this is very interesting and he wants to call over and check
with someone else.... (I'm not sure who he is calling, or why, but here I
am on hold again.) 
.... every 10 minutes or so, he comes back and says it will just be another
couple minutes, but I'm getting worried because each time he talks to me,
the task gets more and more complicated. This last time, he mentioned that 
its actually very complex, and that people are working on it, but that it
may take a while.....

Well, after 40 minutes, he transferred me to his supervisor, Michael. He tells
me he is speaking with General Customer Serivce,  but in order to get my
online banking back on-line, they will likely have to issue another bank
card.... He then transferred me to a guy named benjamin.

Benjamin verifies my identity for the 4th time on this call - thats not
too bad. I should have online banking access on Wednesday, he says. 

I don't believe it..... Actually, I just can't believe it.

Wednesday, I tried to access the account and it worked! Amazing.

Monday, January 29, 2002 - received a new bank card. Tried it at the
bank machine and it worked. Hooray!

Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - received ANOTHER new bank card. Well, I
was actually expecting it (see paragraph with Michael, above).
Haven't tried to use the new card - the old card is still working at
this point. I'm a little frightened... ;)

Tuesday Februrary 5, 2002 - got my Bank of America Statement - Well, sort
of. This statement is only for my regular savings account. You remember?
That account that I closed 2 months ago? Ok, so here is the statement.
Beginning Balance: +$79.54
	(yeah, thats the $83 less that $3.50 cent account fee)
Total Withdrawals: -$79.54
	(Yippee! Looks like they finally closed this account!)
Interest Paid: +$0.01
Account Fees: -$0.01
	(hmmm, thats rather odd - interest and account fees... oh well, as
	long as the account is closed)
.....
Whats this hidden on page two?

"The monthly service charge was assessed because your account's 
minimum balance during the month was $0.00 on 01-10. The Total
Amount of Uncollected Charges is $2.99"

Holy crap! The account seems to be still open, and I seem to owe
them $2.99!

Oh, well, I'm used to this now. Its midnight, so I will just grab the
phone number from the front of the statement, and give them a call...

Ah yes, here it is:

"At Your Service
Call: 925-682-4644, 24 hours,
7 days a week"

Ok, so I dial the line, listen to all the voice jail prompts (cause
they won't let you pre-select a number). Finally, the words I've been
waiting for, "To speak to a customer service representative, press "*"
and stay on the line". So I press "*", and much to my amazement I hear,
"Customer Service representatives are available from 7am until 10pm to
serve you, please call back" - CLICK.

Damn! I must have mis-read the front of my statement. Let me check it again.
Ah yep, how could I have been so blind! I obviously thought that
"24 HOURS, 7 DAYS A WEEK" meant 24 hours in a row!

Stay-tuned.

"Due to unusually high call volume, your hold-time may be longer than
normal". Yeah, right - what else is new.
Here it is, 7:30am on Wednesday, Februrary 6 and I'm waiting for 
a representative.
Christie Mitchell. I explained the situation about the last two months
trying to get this account closed and she asks me to hold while she
figures out how to get this account closed.
She finally comes back and says that she has reversed the fee, and
that the bank account will close within 24 - 48 hours.

Sure.